Nature vs. Nurture
May 17th 2010 02:31
Ask any teacher why they think certain kids act the way they do, and most of them will probably give you some version of the same answer: “Meet the parents, and you'll understand the kids.”
I've been working in education for eight years, and time and time again I've found this to be true. Yes, some kids have chemical imbalances and need to be medicated. I am not against medication-in many cases it is a huge help to kids that can't control their impulses and moods. But in many other cases, it's environment, not brain chemistry, that is the problem.
Which brings up the old debate-is it nature or nurture that determines how a child behaves? Is a child genetically destined to be good or bad, or are they a product of the environment they grow up in? Most of the time, I think it's the latter. One of the best indicators of this is children of divorce, who are constantly switching between Mom's place and Dad's place.. After working with some kids for a few months, you get to the point where you can tell whose house they spent the weekend at. If they have a bad week behavior-wise, they were with the parent that yells a lot. You come to dread hearing that they'll be spending their break with that parent because you know what's coming when they get back. Kids with mean or neglectful parents are mean to other kids, sometimes even violent. They have no idea how to relate to other kids appropriately because they haven't learned it from their parents. They're often selfish because they're used to having to fend for themselves, overreacting when small things are taken away from them. Often they steal because they've seen their parents do it and they don't understand why it's wrong. Kids that are neglected tend to act out just to get attention. They don't know the difference between positive attention (praise for accomplishments) and negative attention (scolding for behavior). They just want someone to be focused on them. These aren't neurological disorders-they're learned behavior. Everything we do as parents has some impact on our kids, whether it be something as big as stealing or as small as avoiding the vegetables on our dinner plates. (my wife swears she's going to make me eat brussel sprouts so my son will learn to...blah!)
One of the best things you can do to influence your child's behavior is this: let your child know that you actually want to be their parent. That alone can make a huge difference.
I've been working in education for eight years, and time and time again I've found this to be true. Yes, some kids have chemical imbalances and need to be medicated. I am not against medication-in many cases it is a huge help to kids that can't control their impulses and moods. But in many other cases, it's environment, not brain chemistry, that is the problem.
Which brings up the old debate-is it nature or nurture that determines how a child behaves? Is a child genetically destined to be good or bad, or are they a product of the environment they grow up in? Most of the time, I think it's the latter. One of the best indicators of this is children of divorce, who are constantly switching between Mom's place and Dad's place.. After working with some kids for a few months, you get to the point where you can tell whose house they spent the weekend at. If they have a bad week behavior-wise, they were with the parent that yells a lot. You come to dread hearing that they'll be spending their break with that parent because you know what's coming when they get back. Kids with mean or neglectful parents are mean to other kids, sometimes even violent. They have no idea how to relate to other kids appropriately because they haven't learned it from their parents. They're often selfish because they're used to having to fend for themselves, overreacting when small things are taken away from them. Often they steal because they've seen their parents do it and they don't understand why it's wrong. Kids that are neglected tend to act out just to get attention. They don't know the difference between positive attention (praise for accomplishments) and negative attention (scolding for behavior). They just want someone to be focused on them. These aren't neurological disorders-they're learned behavior. Everything we do as parents has some impact on our kids, whether it be something as big as stealing or as small as avoiding the vegetables on our dinner plates. (my wife swears she's going to make me eat brussel sprouts so my son will learn to...blah!)
One of the best things you can do to influence your child's behavior is this: let your child know that you actually want to be their parent. That alone can make a huge difference.
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Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
Comment by Matthew Adams
Parent Adventure
Comment by Edward Allen
Sanity Road
Yes, as a psychologist, I say that it is both nature and nurture. Along with you, I believe that with most it is the latter.
All of us have witnessed adults who retain all the same sad flaws you point out here.
Your conclusion is valid. The only thing I might add is that authority figures must position themselves to appear strong, firm and caring. Instructional violations must be met with force (not necessarily corporal), and as quickly as possible. This is true for all immature minds in order to instill direction and affirm the right courses of action.
Come to think of it--In most cases, we could all need this, irregardless of attained age.
Comment by Matthew Adams
Parent Adventure
Comment by Anonymous