Praise should be earned, not given.
May 21st 2010 02:30
When I was in college for my elementary education degree, I took a class on how to teach math. While explaining a classroom observation we were going to do, our professor was outlining how to help the students solve the problems without actually giving them the answers. It was all pretty straightforward, then an instruction came that I didn't quite get-“If they get the problem wrong, don't tell them. Just say good job and move on.”
The general reaction of the class was “Wait, what?”
“If you tell them they got the problem wrong,” the prof said, “it will hurt their self esteem. As long as they found their own way to a solution, just move on to the next problem.”
At the time, the theory was that self esteem was more important than academics-build up a kid's self esteem enough, and academics would follow. Everyone loved this idea-all you had to do was praise a kid for everything they did, and they'd turn out great. Foolproof, right?
I didn't believe it then, and I still don't. I'm all for kids feeling good about themselves, but I think that theory has things backwards. Telling kids they're right when they're wrong doesn't help them. OK, so even though they get most of the problems wrong, they were praised for it, they think they did well and that they're fantastic at math. Their self esteem is high. But what about when they take their next math test and find out that no, two plus two is not three, and they failed the test? That would probably be a bad hit to their self esteem. The short-term benefit is outweighed by the long-term loss.
Teaching kids to do things well will be much better for their self esteem. There are two things that I always praise kids on-stories they write, and artwork they do. They're creative things that are never really bad as long as the kids do their best on them. But straight academics like math should never be compromised just for a kid's self esteem. That will hurt more than help in the long run.
Another problem of false self esteem is that kids that are praised for everything end up feeling entitled to that praise. Then when they're finally told they're wrong about something or their work is sub-par, they don't know how to handle it. They've been told all their life that everything they do is great and they can get by with very little effort. Shatter that illusion, and what are they left with? Disappointment and often anger. Falsely pumping up a kid's self esteem until they think they can do no wrong just leads to people that think they can do no wrong and get mad when criticized.
I'll finish off with a quote from the book Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein: “Nothing of value is free.” Praise that is earned, no matter how meager, is worth far more in the long run than praise that is simply given.
The general reaction of the class was “Wait, what?”
“If you tell them they got the problem wrong,” the prof said, “it will hurt their self esteem. As long as they found their own way to a solution, just move on to the next problem.”
At the time, the theory was that self esteem was more important than academics-build up a kid's self esteem enough, and academics would follow. Everyone loved this idea-all you had to do was praise a kid for everything they did, and they'd turn out great. Foolproof, right?
I didn't believe it then, and I still don't. I'm all for kids feeling good about themselves, but I think that theory has things backwards. Telling kids they're right when they're wrong doesn't help them. OK, so even though they get most of the problems wrong, they were praised for it, they think they did well and that they're fantastic at math. Their self esteem is high. But what about when they take their next math test and find out that no, two plus two is not three, and they failed the test? That would probably be a bad hit to their self esteem. The short-term benefit is outweighed by the long-term loss.
Teaching kids to do things well will be much better for their self esteem. There are two things that I always praise kids on-stories they write, and artwork they do. They're creative things that are never really bad as long as the kids do their best on them. But straight academics like math should never be compromised just for a kid's self esteem. That will hurt more than help in the long run.
Another problem of false self esteem is that kids that are praised for everything end up feeling entitled to that praise. Then when they're finally told they're wrong about something or their work is sub-par, they don't know how to handle it. They've been told all their life that everything they do is great and they can get by with very little effort. Shatter that illusion, and what are they left with? Disappointment and often anger. Falsely pumping up a kid's self esteem until they think they can do no wrong just leads to people that think they can do no wrong and get mad when criticized.
I'll finish off with a quote from the book Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein: “Nothing of value is free.” Praise that is earned, no matter how meager, is worth far more in the long run than praise that is simply given.
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